small talk, big difference

When I was a teenager, I changed my hair color. All the time. Bright red. Dark brown. Every so often I'd please my parents with a subtle blonde color. And, then, I'd change it again.

Somehow I still ended up getting voted in as a Student Government President.

When I was about to graduate from college, I had a journalism professor tell me that a television station would never want to hire me to be a reporter... because, as she put it "you just don't look like a smart person."

Somehow I ended up getting a job, as a reporter. On television. And, now I work at United Way.

This morning, when the Ad Council, the Community Asset Partner Network, and the Youth Services Quality Council of Rochester and Monroe County launched their new campaign "small talk big difference," it touched me.

This ad, shown above, is one of the ads you'll see in our community soon. It features a teenager in unique dress--who was elected student body president--so, of course it resonated with me...

The basic idea goes back to the golden rules - never judge a book by its cover. And, the call to action is for us, as grown-ups, is to engage children and teenagers by acknowledging them and talking with them.

Don't judge a kid by how they dress - or what they look like - just say hi. Do some small talk. You have no idea how meaningful it can be.

We've talked a lot about mentors, and how critical they are to development. If you don't have time to officially mentor, this is another way to reach out. Click here to visit the small talk big difference web site. You can read more about what you can do, and see the ads in action.

If I had a million dollars...

Okay, maybe a bit more than that. Here's an icebreaker game I like to play. Let's say that you the lottery, or come into an unexpected inheritance from the proverbial long lost aunt. Basically, you have enough money so you never HAVE to work at a paying job again. What do you do with your time?

I like this game because I end up learning a lot of unexpected things about people. (This is a GREAT game to play if you're on a roadtrip to a conference with a bunch of people you don't know very well.) It's fun to start with the self-indulgent stuff (if you play this with current/former human service workers, you HAVE to start with the self-indulgent stuff, or people will try to "out-noble" each other- myself included- and what fun is that?) For me, there'd be a fair amount of traveling and pampering involved. I'd go to a health spa where they MADE me relax and eat my fruits and veggies. And I'd have fun ordering stuff (not on sale) from my favorite clothing and gardening catalogues.

But after all the "fun" stuff- how would you fill your time? This is where it gets interesting. I have three things that I'd do. Two don't surprise people who know me the work that I do for United Way, which includes technical assistance around outcome evaluation (just a fancy way of saying "helping programs we fund measure their results better"), finding/analyzing different data and statistics, and reading a lot of research articles to determine "what works" in health and human services. And I REALLY REALLY enjoy this stuff. So I'd go back to school and take more statistics, computer-programming, and evaluation and research courses. I'd also volunteer for some of the smaller, less-resourced service providers to basically do "for free" a lot of what United Way is paying me to do now.

Here's the one time-filler that does sometimes surprise people- I'd spend a fair amount of time volunteering with little kids in the Rochester City School District, helping them learn how to read. Why? Well, research says that being able to read at grade level by the end of third grade is highly predictive of future academic success. And it's not a secret that kids in the RCSD, on average, perform a lot lower on standardized language arts and other tests than their suburban counterparts. (A reason I'm really glad that United Way increased funding to programs geared to help city kids achieve more academically. These kids are a large part of the county's potential future workforce- I strongly believe it will benefit the whole community to help these kids do better in school.)

Plus, I find little kids to be cute, delightful, and sponges for learning. I really value reading for reading's sake- it's a great lifelong hobby (and with our great public libraries, free!). And I've always enjoyed reading pretty much anything with my younger nieces. So I'd be able to "kill several birds with one stone"- spend time on an activity I find enjoyable in itself, and (fingers crossed) help some of these children have a better chance at doing well in school and life.

I've found all sorts of interesting things about people playing this game. Several state that they'd start their own business in a totally different field from their current employment. A lot of people would volunteer in fields that I would NEVER HAVE GUESSED they were interested in. One business executive would be a volunteer driver for senior programs- "I like to drive and talking to older people is interesting." One highly accomplished executive director would become an activist and organize neighborhood residents to lobby and protest around certain issues affecting them. And I've found that I'm not the only one who wants to help kids learn to read...

So... what would YOU do with your time if you never had to work again? Go wild... but keep it clean LOL

The Rewards of the Job

A Day at Work.
Rewards

Returning from lunch I was told that a lady is waiting for me in the lobby.
I wasn’t expecting anyone.

We meant she said I’m the lady you provided information to help with my utilities. I’m thinking I have provided information to several callers this week. When she mentions her name it clicked, I recalled the nature of our conversation I knew what she was going through, and she was able to receive help. I knew she received the help that she needed and by knowing this it was enough of award for me. She said to me Delores I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate the service you gave and how much it meant to me and my family.

For this lady to come down to my job and THANK ME!
I didn’t know what to say.

I thanked her assure her that it wasn’t necessary for her to personally come and thank me. She had already expressed her gratitude over the telephone.

This is one of those things that occur rarely enough to let you know continue to stay grounded and do what you from the heart.


Delores.

Have you ever been asked?

OK. Right off the top I'll acknowledge that I've declared this a sacred space. No PR blap - or stuff like that. This may come a little close to that line... but it's just this once.

We launched our spring campaign this week. The goal is $33.5 million. I spend a lot of time trying to tell people it's not about a number, it's about the faces and lives we change.

We've gotten feedback that people can be frustrated. The only time they hear from us is once a year, when we're asking for money.

I can't stress enough that - every day, for us, when the alarm goes off in the morning... when we get up and go through the daily routine to get ready for work... we're doing it with the primary goal of helping people. That's what we're all about. Helping people.

True - we do ask you for money each year. But, it's what we need to do in order to change lives.

People tell us the number one reason why they haven't given to United Way is because they haven't been asked.

Have you been asked? If you haven't been asked recently - I'd respectively ask you to consider giving a gift. No matter what amount it is.

You can give online, today. (Sorry for the PR blap - but your contribution makes a huge difference... just read the blogs below, and you'll see.)

Normally, I wouldn't link our 'donate' page to this... but just for now, I will. That's because, in order to continue helping people at the level we do, we need to raise the funds. You can click here to donate.

Here's one other link. It's for our Real Time magazine - showing you how your gift helps people.

Do you ever wonder...

I’m drained. My heart is broken. I’m frustrated. All I can think about is getting out of this room…

These tend to be the first few moments after 8:30pm on Monday nights - and they can be rough. They come after the Domestic Violence Support Group I lead, with my friend Julie, at Alternatives For Battered Women.

Have you ever bought a box of chocolates (especially the day after Valentine’s Day when they are ½ off!) and out of the 20 pieces in the pretty heart-shaped box, maybe one or two make you feel like you’ve had a taste of heaven & the money you spent was worth it?

Most Monday nights, after the support group, I walk away feeling like I took a bite out of that gross tasting hard caramel. Leaves me bitter. Then I ask myself, “Why did I buy this??!” But then, I taste the lemon cream one and I remember why I bought it!

Let’s take this to reality now.

Do you ever wonder if you are doing any good on this earth?

Do you ever sit back and wonder what happened to people living in love and not anger? On the rare Monday night that I leave feeling as though I was just GIVEN a box of 20 lemon creams, I am reminded in an “oh-so-sweet” way that I DO make a difference.

When I hear and see the joy emanating from these women, because they got a job or their abuser is behind bars or they got custody of their children or something as small as being able to spend $5 on just themselves, it fills me with such a warmth I can’t even begin to describe it to you. It’s beyond the lemon cream feeling.

Those women – who have endured a pain so great it would take your breath away – are strong. They find something along the path that you and I forget everyday. HOPE.

In this support group, things like, encouraging self-nurturance, problem-solving skills, increasing knowledge about the cycle of abuse, providing safety, facilitating the grief process and building self-esteem are talked about.

Listening is the greatest gift you can give anyone who has a troubled heart. Some women will remain in the cycle of abuse. It’s comfortable to them, believe it or not – but some women choose to find the lemon creams in life. I would love to think my encouragement & support has nudged them in that direction. Along with all of you who support in some way those that need nudging to follow a path of love, trust & safety.

Back in 2000, when I lived in Watertown, NY I volunteered at the Victim’s Assistance Center as a Rape Crisis Advocate. I was able to volunteer at the shelter and offer love and support to not only rape victims, but victims of domestic violence. When I moved back to Rochester in 2002, I felt I had so much love to give, that I looked up ABW’s number and found myself leading a support group!

In my life, I have found that any changes we make in our lives are up to US. If we want to make positive changes in our life, we have to look deep inside ourselves and figure out how to get there. If we have the support of family and friends who truly love us, then, all the better. Some people have NO idea that they have the strength inside of them to move forward on a path that is healthy and positive. I try to remind the ladies that they do have this gift of finding strength.

At United Way, we fund the ABW Safe Families program – which, essentially, provides a safe emergency setting and services to help prevent further abuse to women and children who are victims of domestic violence. I am proud to give because I KNOW and SEE what a difference my gift makes.

So, maybe I’m just writing this article to ME today. So, that I can remember all is not in vain. I make a difference just by being me. Maybe, I can share my lemon creams of hope & love with those that cry for it.

Where the change begins...

I had the chance today to go to a luncheon where we honored 16 different local groups. They're all getting mini-grants to do projects that improve and revitalize our neighborhoods.

I sat with the Northeast Block Club Alliance and the Corn Hill Neighbors Association. I was so impressed with the incredible work they do. Everyone around us belonged to a neigbhorhood group that - at the grassroots level - is changing lives everyday.

What's really cool about the mini-grants they received, is that they started last year with a challenge. Bank of America issued a $100,000 challenge to small businesses. Essentially, if they gave a first-time gift to United Way, their money would be doubled. Then, in turn, the 'matched' money was earmarked for neighborhood revitalization grants.

So, thanks to small businesses, Bank of America, and these incredible neighborhood organizations, we're collectively going to make our community stronger.

If you want to read a list of all of the groups who are receiving funding - you can click here. It's the official press release that went out to media outlets.

Good bye for now

With very mixed emotions, this is my first and last blog at United Way of Greater Rochester. After almost 2 ½ years at United Way--I’m actually going to another job.

Probably sounds weird that I’d be blogging? Not really. It’s such a great place here, that before I left I wanted to write something.

When I first started working at United Way, I was not specifically looking to work for a non-for-profit. I did not really understand about the passionate people who work for United Way. I did not know how much of an influence this organization would have on me. Moreover, I did not know how proud I could feel to be associated with United Way.

If you ever wonder, who works at United Way and what they are like? Well, I can tell you first hand. All of the employees are a group of truly dedicated, wonderful people that strive to make a difference in the lives of people in the Rochester community. I have always been so proud to tell people, “I work at United Way of Greater Rochester.” When people ask what I do, I don’t say that I’m in HR. My first reaction is always to say United Way.

I have to admit that it will be a little weird transitioning from employee/donor to just donor. My personal mission is to continue to spread the word about the extraordinary things United Way does on a daily basis. At times, we can lose track of the reasons behind why we work at United Way. Everyone knows that the responsibilities, deadlines and pressures of a job can sometimes get you down. However, when you work for an organization like this, it makes those days that much easier to deal with. You can just sit back, take a breath, and remind yourself of why you are here.

For me, it’s so long for now United Way, but I’ll still be around. It has been an honor and a privilege to be a part of an organization that makes such an impact on this community. I will always be an advocate and a donor to a cause that I find so vitally important. In my mind, I will never stop being a part of United Way.

And – I’d encourage you, if you’re ever job searching, to think about working at United Way. Here’s the link to the jobs…http://www.uwrochester.org/about/jobs.asp