small talk, big difference

When I was a teenager, I changed my hair color. All the time. Bright red. Dark brown. Every so often I'd please my parents with a subtle blonde color. And, then, I'd change it again.

Somehow I still ended up getting voted in as a Student Government President.

When I was about to graduate from college, I had a journalism professor tell me that a television station would never want to hire me to be a reporter... because, as she put it "you just don't look like a smart person."

Somehow I ended up getting a job, as a reporter. On television. And, now I work at United Way.

This morning, when the Ad Council, the Community Asset Partner Network, and the Youth Services Quality Council of Rochester and Monroe County launched their new campaign "small talk big difference," it touched me.

This ad, shown above, is one of the ads you'll see in our community soon. It features a teenager in unique dress--who was elected student body president--so, of course it resonated with me...

The basic idea goes back to the golden rules - never judge a book by its cover. And, the call to action is for us, as grown-ups, is to engage children and teenagers by acknowledging them and talking with them.

Don't judge a kid by how they dress - or what they look like - just say hi. Do some small talk. You have no idea how meaningful it can be.

We've talked a lot about mentors, and how critical they are to development. If you don't have time to officially mentor, this is another way to reach out. Click here to visit the small talk big difference web site. You can read more about what you can do, and see the ads in action.

If I had a million dollars...

Okay, maybe a bit more than that. Here's an icebreaker game I like to play. Let's say that you the lottery, or come into an unexpected inheritance from the proverbial long lost aunt. Basically, you have enough money so you never HAVE to work at a paying job again. What do you do with your time?

I like this game because I end up learning a lot of unexpected things about people. (This is a GREAT game to play if you're on a roadtrip to a conference with a bunch of people you don't know very well.) It's fun to start with the self-indulgent stuff (if you play this with current/former human service workers, you HAVE to start with the self-indulgent stuff, or people will try to "out-noble" each other- myself included- and what fun is that?) For me, there'd be a fair amount of traveling and pampering involved. I'd go to a health spa where they MADE me relax and eat my fruits and veggies. And I'd have fun ordering stuff (not on sale) from my favorite clothing and gardening catalogues.

But after all the "fun" stuff- how would you fill your time? This is where it gets interesting. I have three things that I'd do. Two don't surprise people who know me the work that I do for United Way, which includes technical assistance around outcome evaluation (just a fancy way of saying "helping programs we fund measure their results better"), finding/analyzing different data and statistics, and reading a lot of research articles to determine "what works" in health and human services. And I REALLY REALLY enjoy this stuff. So I'd go back to school and take more statistics, computer-programming, and evaluation and research courses. I'd also volunteer for some of the smaller, less-resourced service providers to basically do "for free" a lot of what United Way is paying me to do now.

Here's the one time-filler that does sometimes surprise people- I'd spend a fair amount of time volunteering with little kids in the Rochester City School District, helping them learn how to read. Why? Well, research says that being able to read at grade level by the end of third grade is highly predictive of future academic success. And it's not a secret that kids in the RCSD, on average, perform a lot lower on standardized language arts and other tests than their suburban counterparts. (A reason I'm really glad that United Way increased funding to programs geared to help city kids achieve more academically. These kids are a large part of the county's potential future workforce- I strongly believe it will benefit the whole community to help these kids do better in school.)

Plus, I find little kids to be cute, delightful, and sponges for learning. I really value reading for reading's sake- it's a great lifelong hobby (and with our great public libraries, free!). And I've always enjoyed reading pretty much anything with my younger nieces. So I'd be able to "kill several birds with one stone"- spend time on an activity I find enjoyable in itself, and (fingers crossed) help some of these children have a better chance at doing well in school and life.

I've found all sorts of interesting things about people playing this game. Several state that they'd start their own business in a totally different field from their current employment. A lot of people would volunteer in fields that I would NEVER HAVE GUESSED they were interested in. One business executive would be a volunteer driver for senior programs- "I like to drive and talking to older people is interesting." One highly accomplished executive director would become an activist and organize neighborhood residents to lobby and protest around certain issues affecting them. And I've found that I'm not the only one who wants to help kids learn to read...

So... what would YOU do with your time if you never had to work again? Go wild... but keep it clean LOL

The Rewards of the Job

A Day at Work.
Rewards

Returning from lunch I was told that a lady is waiting for me in the lobby.
I wasn’t expecting anyone.

We meant she said I’m the lady you provided information to help with my utilities. I’m thinking I have provided information to several callers this week. When she mentions her name it clicked, I recalled the nature of our conversation I knew what she was going through, and she was able to receive help. I knew she received the help that she needed and by knowing this it was enough of award for me. She said to me Delores I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate the service you gave and how much it meant to me and my family.

For this lady to come down to my job and THANK ME!
I didn’t know what to say.

I thanked her assure her that it wasn’t necessary for her to personally come and thank me. She had already expressed her gratitude over the telephone.

This is one of those things that occur rarely enough to let you know continue to stay grounded and do what you from the heart.


Delores.

Have you ever been asked?

OK. Right off the top I'll acknowledge that I've declared this a sacred space. No PR blap - or stuff like that. This may come a little close to that line... but it's just this once.

We launched our spring campaign this week. The goal is $33.5 million. I spend a lot of time trying to tell people it's not about a number, it's about the faces and lives we change.

We've gotten feedback that people can be frustrated. The only time they hear from us is once a year, when we're asking for money.

I can't stress enough that - every day, for us, when the alarm goes off in the morning... when we get up and go through the daily routine to get ready for work... we're doing it with the primary goal of helping people. That's what we're all about. Helping people.

True - we do ask you for money each year. But, it's what we need to do in order to change lives.

People tell us the number one reason why they haven't given to United Way is because they haven't been asked.

Have you been asked? If you haven't been asked recently - I'd respectively ask you to consider giving a gift. No matter what amount it is.

You can give online, today. (Sorry for the PR blap - but your contribution makes a huge difference... just read the blogs below, and you'll see.)

Normally, I wouldn't link our 'donate' page to this... but just for now, I will. That's because, in order to continue helping people at the level we do, we need to raise the funds. You can click here to donate.

Here's one other link. It's for our Real Time magazine - showing you how your gift helps people.

Do you ever wonder...

I’m drained. My heart is broken. I’m frustrated. All I can think about is getting out of this room…

These tend to be the first few moments after 8:30pm on Monday nights - and they can be rough. They come after the Domestic Violence Support Group I lead, with my friend Julie, at Alternatives For Battered Women.

Have you ever bought a box of chocolates (especially the day after Valentine’s Day when they are ½ off!) and out of the 20 pieces in the pretty heart-shaped box, maybe one or two make you feel like you’ve had a taste of heaven & the money you spent was worth it?

Most Monday nights, after the support group, I walk away feeling like I took a bite out of that gross tasting hard caramel. Leaves me bitter. Then I ask myself, “Why did I buy this??!” But then, I taste the lemon cream one and I remember why I bought it!

Let’s take this to reality now.

Do you ever wonder if you are doing any good on this earth?

Do you ever sit back and wonder what happened to people living in love and not anger? On the rare Monday night that I leave feeling as though I was just GIVEN a box of 20 lemon creams, I am reminded in an “oh-so-sweet” way that I DO make a difference.

When I hear and see the joy emanating from these women, because they got a job or their abuser is behind bars or they got custody of their children or something as small as being able to spend $5 on just themselves, it fills me with such a warmth I can’t even begin to describe it to you. It’s beyond the lemon cream feeling.

Those women – who have endured a pain so great it would take your breath away – are strong. They find something along the path that you and I forget everyday. HOPE.

In this support group, things like, encouraging self-nurturance, problem-solving skills, increasing knowledge about the cycle of abuse, providing safety, facilitating the grief process and building self-esteem are talked about.

Listening is the greatest gift you can give anyone who has a troubled heart. Some women will remain in the cycle of abuse. It’s comfortable to them, believe it or not – but some women choose to find the lemon creams in life. I would love to think my encouragement & support has nudged them in that direction. Along with all of you who support in some way those that need nudging to follow a path of love, trust & safety.

Back in 2000, when I lived in Watertown, NY I volunteered at the Victim’s Assistance Center as a Rape Crisis Advocate. I was able to volunteer at the shelter and offer love and support to not only rape victims, but victims of domestic violence. When I moved back to Rochester in 2002, I felt I had so much love to give, that I looked up ABW’s number and found myself leading a support group!

In my life, I have found that any changes we make in our lives are up to US. If we want to make positive changes in our life, we have to look deep inside ourselves and figure out how to get there. If we have the support of family and friends who truly love us, then, all the better. Some people have NO idea that they have the strength inside of them to move forward on a path that is healthy and positive. I try to remind the ladies that they do have this gift of finding strength.

At United Way, we fund the ABW Safe Families program – which, essentially, provides a safe emergency setting and services to help prevent further abuse to women and children who are victims of domestic violence. I am proud to give because I KNOW and SEE what a difference my gift makes.

So, maybe I’m just writing this article to ME today. So, that I can remember all is not in vain. I make a difference just by being me. Maybe, I can share my lemon creams of hope & love with those that cry for it.

Where the change begins...

I had the chance today to go to a luncheon where we honored 16 different local groups. They're all getting mini-grants to do projects that improve and revitalize our neighborhoods.

I sat with the Northeast Block Club Alliance and the Corn Hill Neighbors Association. I was so impressed with the incredible work they do. Everyone around us belonged to a neigbhorhood group that - at the grassroots level - is changing lives everyday.

What's really cool about the mini-grants they received, is that they started last year with a challenge. Bank of America issued a $100,000 challenge to small businesses. Essentially, if they gave a first-time gift to United Way, their money would be doubled. Then, in turn, the 'matched' money was earmarked for neighborhood revitalization grants.

So, thanks to small businesses, Bank of America, and these incredible neighborhood organizations, we're collectively going to make our community stronger.

If you want to read a list of all of the groups who are receiving funding - you can click here. It's the official press release that went out to media outlets.

Good bye for now

With very mixed emotions, this is my first and last blog at United Way of Greater Rochester. After almost 2 ½ years at United Way--I’m actually going to another job.

Probably sounds weird that I’d be blogging? Not really. It’s such a great place here, that before I left I wanted to write something.

When I first started working at United Way, I was not specifically looking to work for a non-for-profit. I did not really understand about the passionate people who work for United Way. I did not know how much of an influence this organization would have on me. Moreover, I did not know how proud I could feel to be associated with United Way.

If you ever wonder, who works at United Way and what they are like? Well, I can tell you first hand. All of the employees are a group of truly dedicated, wonderful people that strive to make a difference in the lives of people in the Rochester community. I have always been so proud to tell people, “I work at United Way of Greater Rochester.” When people ask what I do, I don’t say that I’m in HR. My first reaction is always to say United Way.

I have to admit that it will be a little weird transitioning from employee/donor to just donor. My personal mission is to continue to spread the word about the extraordinary things United Way does on a daily basis. At times, we can lose track of the reasons behind why we work at United Way. Everyone knows that the responsibilities, deadlines and pressures of a job can sometimes get you down. However, when you work for an organization like this, it makes those days that much easier to deal with. You can just sit back, take a breath, and remind yourself of why you are here.

For me, it’s so long for now United Way, but I’ll still be around. It has been an honor and a privilege to be a part of an organization that makes such an impact on this community. I will always be an advocate and a donor to a cause that I find so vitally important. In my mind, I will never stop being a part of United Way.

And – I’d encourage you, if you’re ever job searching, to think about working at United Way. Here’s the link to the jobs…http://www.uwrochester.org/about/jobs.asp

The Young and the Homeless

It's 16 degrees right now.

According to figures released by the New York City-based Homes for the Homeless, the average age of a homeless person is nine. It's estimated that, right here in Rochester, 22,000 children could be on the cusp of becoming homeless. That's two of every five children in the city.

There are many reasons why some kids and their families become homeless. A parent’s unexpected illness, a work layoff, or the inability to find and keep a job that pays a living wage. Or, it happens when women with children finally decide they must escape their living nightmare of domestic violence.

Ruth Nieboer, who is the Salvation Army’s director of social services shares that, too often, her staff has met some of these parents before… except the first time around, the parents were kids themselves. Seeing the ‘next’ generation come in for services is deeply disturbing.

I guess it doesn't really matter whether it's 16 degrees - or 85. When you don't have a home to go home to, and especially when you're a kid, it's just plain traumatic.

And, if you saw the Pursuit of Happyness, I'm sure you understand that having a strong parent can make all the difference. We invest $2 million each year into the Emergency Services Collaborative... it's eight agencies that help families in crisis... so that parents can get the support - and shelter - they need to get their lives back on track. So they don't have to ever be homeless again.

We're also investing another $9 million into programs that help kids find success. A few of those programs include shelter and help for teenagers who are homeless... kids who had to escape some pretty tough 'home' situations. The Center for Youth Services has a fantastic program.

Thanks for helping these kids... and these families. You're bringing stability back into their lives.

Flash Cards for Kindergarten?

My daughter is headed off to kindergarten this fall - so, lately I've been getting the 'save the dates' for new parent night, and learning when she'll get screened to determine whether she's ready for school.

I'll be the first to admit I'm nervous as to how she'll do. She was born a couple of months early, and by the time she was two (thanks to early intervention) she had speech therapy and occupational therapy. She's doing well, and she's as sassy as ever - but I'm still nervous.

I learned, in Monroe County, nearly half of our kids arrive at kindergarten with at least one issue that puts them at risk for academic failure. That surprised me. It seems high, but it's correct.

So, as a parent, I started wondering - should I pull out the preschool flash cards to get my daughter moving? Should I stop letting her watch too many episodes of Wonder Pets? Is spending too much time with Barbie and Polly dangerous?

If you're reading this - and you're a teacher - please write in and share your thoughts... in the meantime, though, I wanted to share a little bit about a program in Rochester that makes me, as a parent, feel relief.

United Way is a big supporter of Strong Start - which is currently in two schools right now, and will begin at a third school next year. Essentially, kids who are screened for kindergarten, and considered at-risk for academic failure will get help from Strong Start teachers the following year.

By the time kids 'graduate' from the program, nine out of every ten test at or even above average. Color and shape recognitions are strong, social interaction is improved.

It makes a huge difference. I visited the School #12 classroom - it's fantastic. I'm so glad to know programs like this are out there for kids and for their parents.

I decided, for now, since my daughter can correct me about what colors Barbie is wearing - and she can tell me the difference between a poisonous snake or a non-poisonous one because someone on Zoboomafoo told her so - I'm not going to overreact and go into study mode with her. I'll let it be... a program will be there to help us if we need it.

Fun story

I wanted, quickly, to tell you about Anna Mitchell. She's the young lady in front, wearing the purple sweater.

Anna's a sixth grader, lives in Marion, and every year she and her friends get together to make gifts - so they can raise money for United Way through their "Helping Hands Auction."

Anna and her friends worked for months on those gifts - which even included furniture they made!

All told, they raised $750... which is very cool. And, it shows that it doesn't matter how old you are - you can always make a difference.

Doesn't matter either, whether it's financial support - or the gift of time. If one of your New Year's Resolutions is to volunteer - we have some great ways you can volunteer in our community. All you have to do is click here... 

Happy Holidays

If you're surfing around, and end up here - thanks for taking the time to read this blog.

This holiday season, know that you're helping out (right now), even though you may not realize it.

Your support is helping families stay warm and stable in their homes.

You are helping seniors get meals delivered to their homes.

You are helping people with disabilities get the transportation they need to medical appointments, and to the food market.

You are helping a woman and her children, who are escaping domestic violence, find a safe place where they can recover and start anew in 2007.

Hopefully there is little homework this holiday break... but you are helping kids get a hand up at life in so many ways too.

The holidays tend to offer us a deeper reflection - a sense that we should all be giving and lend a hand.

You should also know - the needs are just as great in our community, when it's 85 degrees on a sunny July day. And, you're helping then too, because your gift works all year round.

On behalf of United Way - happy holidays, and have a great new year.

Literacy and Mentoring

I was thrilled to read, this morning, about First Niagara's $500,000 investment to make sure mentors are prevalent in our public schools.

Studies show that drug use, violent behavior, and school absenteeism are higher when kids don't have a mentor. Mentors are a big deal - both in school, and out of school.

Big Brothers Big Sisters has done a lot of research to show this. We fund their mentoring program - they do such incredible work.

You may not know this, but United Way's single largest investment into helping kids goes to before, afterschool, and summer programs that offer mentors, among other things. (Technically, they're called "youth development" programs - but that term is a little too nebulous in the real world. So, I stick with afterschool programs.)

We support them at the Community Place of Greater Rochester, the Urban League, the Boys and Girls Club, and many other places.

Through these programs, each year more than 24,000 kids get the mentors, tutors, and support they need to stay in school. And - literacy is on the agenda.

At the Boys and Girls Club, they have what's called the Acclerated Reader program. Close to 300 kids are in this program - and over the past two years, they read and passed quizzes on more than 10,000 books. For real - 10,000 books - that's amazing.

Seven out of every ten of the kids increased their reading levels by at least one grade level. Many - close to two grade levels.

It's something to think about. Congrats to First Niagara - what a great move.

The film shoot has wrapped up

If you’ve ever seen a United Way film during the campaign, you may have noticed that there are very few leaves on the trees in the outdoor footage. That’s because we shoot it in the fall.

We just wrapped up our 2007 video last month. I traveled to see the Lemcke family—incredible people. Doug, who is 40, has ALS –or what many know as Lou Gehrig’s Disease. We shared the afternoon with him, his wife Jeanne, his mother Bernadette, and Christie his coordinator from CP Rochester. That's Doug and Jeanne in this picture.

We featured Doug and his family in the film this year because United Way’s funding essentially helps pay for a technology device that allows him to communicate with people, and for a coordinator to regularly visit his home to help him and his family with it.

As I understand it, the voice can be one of the first affecting those with ALS. Doug cannot speak much anymore. He can say “I love you” to his wife. Often, though, he uses this communication device you see in the picture. He talks with her through it, he helps his kids with their math homework. He can go on the internet, write poetry, and so much more. It’s amazing what technology can do.

Nothing can do justice to show how brave and wonderful the Lemckes are. Not the film, not the pictures, certainly not this blog. I just consider myself really lucky to have spent time with them. We need to enjoy every moment we have. It’s all I could think about after I left the film shoot. I headed home, picked up my kids, and worked on doing just that. 

Red Cross in the news...

If you read the paper this morning, you may have noticed an article about American Red Cross Blood Services getting fined for a procedural issue.

I thought it might be helpful to let you know that Blood Services is a totally separate entity from our fundraising partner, the Greater Rochester Red Cross.

I didn’t realize this at first—but they are actually distinctly different organizations.

So, if you give to the annual United Way/Red Cross Campaign, your donation goes directly to the Greater Rochester Red Cross—which takes care of local disaster services and a lot of other great programs. Even if you designate to the Red Cross, it’s the same deal—it goes right to our local chapter.

I called our friends at the Red Cross this morning. Regardless of the different organizations, they assured us any donations to the Red Cross will never, ever go to pay the Blood Services fines. What the FDA was concerned about was procedural in nature, and the blood collected was not a concern.

The Greater Rochester Red Cross has been a fundraising partner of United Way for decades. I believe it was the 1960’s when—instead of competing with each other—we decided to team up to raise money once a year (in the spring.)

They’re a great group of people, and they do incredible work helping people in times of crisis. So – don’t panic – our local chapter has not done anything to be nervous about. If you want to check out their web site, you can visit it at www.rochesterredcross.org.

Write in with questions, or post comments if you would like to share your thoughts with us… thanks.

United Way actually has a blog?

You betcha. Finally, we’ve entered the new age of technology—so, without much ado—welcome to the You Keep it Real blog.

So, what’s “You Keep it Real?” In a nutshell, people have been telling us they need to hear from us all year long—not just during our campaign, when there may be someone in your workplace, or a friend asking you to donate.

We teamed up with a group of really bright people in town to find the best way to let you, and everyone else, know about what happens the whole ‘rest’ of the year, as a result of our campaign.

You Keep it Real. Basically, it means you’re the one who keeps all the good and the help real. You’ll start to see thought-provoking ads now, and all kinds of really cool and meaningful features that will showcase this.

(In case you wondered why we didn’t use You Make it Real – it’s because the word “make” implies it wasn’t there before… so it would mean you’re making it start. Not so – you’re keeping and evolving the good stuff. We liked “keep.”)

I almost forgot. The good folks at our web company, Auragen, have been helping me learn more about the power of blogging. They suggested that I have a photo of myself on this blog, or at least, a United Way logo so that we’ll have a strong host identifier in this.

Here’s the deal. This blog really has absolutely nothing to do with me (I’m the host – that’s about it), and a logo is just way too corporate and sends the wrong message.

So, I think I have a good compromise. I'll use a picture of me with the You Keep it Real billboard. Because, truly, this blog is about you.

We’ve got big plans for this blog. Soon, you’ll be hearing real life stories from people who work at local agencies, and seeing pictures about what’s happening in their lives. The day to day, real life elements that our funded programs—and you—face and fix.

We’re looking forward to some great conversations and dialogue.

Thanks for reading this. I hope you join us in this blog – write in, ask questions, learn more, and make a difference.